Random Pondering

DH got up around 4 this morning to search for the elusive big buck. Eventually, he woke me as well. As I was trying to get that last hour of sleep I decided that I would talk to God. He is always up at that insane hour. I prayed for myself. Nothing wrong with that. I just know that any and all of my problems have to be turned over to Him. I feel like I literally have to make that statement during my prayer time for it to be fact even though I know He knows my thoughts. It is just how He made me. But I just say to my God, "You know what I need...I don't. Would you mind fixing me?" Of course I know that it isn't that easy. We wouldn't be so lucky. We do have to take the time to listen for His direction to fix us.

The speaker at Tablescapes was wonderful. Her "Light" definitely shined through. As she was speaking I thought to myself, "I wish I was like her. I wish that I could radiate my love for Jesus like she does." But I don't. I let my earthly desires take over and become my focus. It is so weird. Even though I know what I need to do and actually desire to do it; I "forget". It doesn't feel like I would be the real me. So maybe I'm not supposed to be that way. Maybe that is my desire and not His. He may want to use me in a different way. He may like the fact that I want to be that way and that pleases Him for now. When it is time, He will let me know. While this world would be a better place if we were all like the speaker, that is my opinion and not necessarily God's plan. Oh, the faith of a mustard seed.